Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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