I have demons in me.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
