You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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