Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
