Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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