i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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