my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
