i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize