She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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