I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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