Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
