Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
