last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
