He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
