Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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