Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
