Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
