he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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