What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
