Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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