I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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