i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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