So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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