Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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