My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
