I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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