it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
