im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
