Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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