I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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