yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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