I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
