sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
sarcasm needs its own font
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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