Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
