dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
