Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
