I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
