How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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