I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
