Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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