I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
