When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
