if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
