Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The Olympian is in my bed
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
