To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
