Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize