Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
