She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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