Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
