My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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