i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
