remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
