Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
