If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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