My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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