i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
