That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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