And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
