if you like me you must not know who I am
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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