i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
