You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
