Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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