hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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