Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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