I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
