Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
