i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
