I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
