When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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