i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
