If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
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