she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
