Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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