On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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