Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
