so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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