yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
