3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
honey bunches of taint.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
