She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
